Feels Like Ice
by tmcala
Summary: /Sometimes, Fanny wants to get up in someone's face and scream/ -In which Numbuh 86 makes a friend at the cost of another-


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**Feels Like Ice~**

_In muddy grass we stand side by side  
With our knuckles interlocked  
Black dresses flood the cemetery  
In this cliche tragedy_

* * *

The Head of Decommissioning is informed when an operative is to become a teen spy. Nobody else is. She has never been able to decide whether or not that is a good thing. She's not sure who tells her. She just walks into her office and a note, folded tiny and meticulous, will be sitting on her desk. She's fairly certain that it is not 362. Because, when Numbuh 274 went traitor, she could see it in her friend's eyes. The girl had no clue.

Numbuh 362 begins drifting soon after she takes 274's position. Fanny can see it happening before her eyes. She is close to Rachel, but she knows someone closer. So she does the only thing she can think of.

There are no written rules, no guidelines that Fanny knows to follow. It's been understood that she shouldn't tell anyone which operatives are teen spies. And, until now, she has kept her distance once they are escorted from the premises following decommissioning. However, she sees no other option. He might be the only one who can revive Rachel's spirit. Or find it. Fanny can't even pinpoint when exactly it went missing.

It isn't difficult to find him. She has the best technology in the world at her fingertips. When she knows where he hides out, Fanny waits a while. Just to see if her friend, the 362 he knew, will return.

And then, the world (_or at least, their portion of it_) comes crashing down around them. There seems to be crisis after crisis after crisis and Fanny watches Rachel enter leader mode and so very rarely leave it. Which is fine by her because at least 362 is coping. The largest year of KND operatives ever begins turning thirteen and she has to chase down sometimes up to ten kids a day.

Suddenly, two years have passed and Fanny knows she has waited far too long. Numbuh One is gone, Numbuh 60 is so close to thirteen that it hurts, Numbuh 363 is being considered for early decommissioning, and she'd rather not talk about her age anymore. 362 is a shell of the operative, spy, leader she once was. She is still exemplary, does all the work, makes every operative feel top-notch, but there is nothing behind her eyes. Nothing left of enthusiastic spy who stood so close at Numbuh 274's side. A suitable candidate for any position underneath the sun.

Numbuh 362 approaches her one day, after a particularly busy day between attacks and decommissioning and paperwork, and says five words Fanny never even knew she needed to dread.

_(I want to be done.)_

Fanny says no. Of course, she says no. Decommissioning scares her. Even though it's her job to do it. It scares her that soon she will be closing her friends up in that chamber and pulling that god forsaken switch. She will not do it sooner than she has to. She's just not ready yet.

That's when she contacts him. After she tells Rachel that sometimes she thinks decommissioning is like death and, in response, the girl smiles that sad smile (_That's fine by me_). He is surprised that she knows his position and at first he fights her on it. It's 'compromising', 'risky', and 'pointless'. But, she is Numbuh 86 and everyone knows you don't say 'no' to Numbuh 86.

Fanny sits outside of 362's office the day she manages to sneak him on to moon base. It's probably one of the harder things she's ever had to do as an operative, but she handles it. He exits the room with a grim expression, shakes his head tightly in her direction.

That's when she knows that nothing will change her friend's mind. If Numbuh 274, the best, ever, can't do it, nobody can. Numbuh 86, immovable as a mountain, accepts that as undeniable truth. And then she cries. The boy who feels as useless as her, but will probably never show it, wraps his arms around her.

Still, that does not mean that she is able to decommission her friend, so she steps down _("I'll go back to nursing or something.") _and appoints her brother. He smiles far more than is normal anyway. Rachel takes a couple days to talk to 363, 5, all the people that she will leave behind.

Fanny does not attend the celebration or ceremony or whatever it is called. Numbuh 274 doesn't either, but only because he can't, or so he says. They sit together on Earth, in a park. Because there is no risk of any operative seeing her with him. They are all up there, commemorating the figurative death of the leader they all secretly doubted. At the exact moment the memories of Numbuh 362 are to be wiped from Rachel T. McKenzie's mind, both their heads are directed towards the sky.

After that, nobody mentions Numbuh 362. And, to add finality to the whole ordeal, they decommission her brother too. _(Paddy smiles far less after that)_. Sometimes, Fanny wants to get up in someone's face and scream. They all, every operative in the whole Kids Next Door, except her, go about their business as though absolutely nothing has changed. But, for her, absolutely nothing as stayed the same. Nobody feels what she does. Nobody remembers what she does. Nobody cares like she does.

When that happens, she takes an immediate trip to see him. They sit together, in a park. Because she doesn't give a shit if anyone sees them. Sometimes they talk about the friend that left them both, sometimes they don't. He holds her hand and she laughs at how often he has to flick that hair out of his eyes. Fanny thinks about how 362 would like that she finally learned to trust a boy. Chad thinks about how lucky it is that the Head of Decommissioning is informed when an operative is to become a teen spy. He feels what she does and she remembers what he does. They both care just as much as the other. She has built a reputation around being as cold as ice, and he has felt almost three years of constant exclusion from people that once wanted nothing more than to be right by his side. They fit together seamlessly.

Each time they sit, the pair forgets about age and time, but their eyes are always trained on the exact point where the moon would be.

* * *

**A/N: Changing Steph's mind one 274/86 fic at a time...maybe? No, it was weird. But I still think it's kind of interesting. The lyrics are from Black Dresses by The Spill Canvas, a horribly depressing yet beautiful song. **


End file.
